Fear always makes one vulnerable, but the greatest fear in my life has been that of losing. I have lost to many things-to people, to fate, to time and above all to Death.
I always believed I was a very strong girl, who has matured earlier than apprehended, but when I lost some precious people, I could feel the fear gripping over.I could sense the vulnerability seeping in..From a brave and confident girl, I was transformed into a shaky, nervous female. I was losing my identity.
I have lost a lot, so much that at one point I had started to remain aloof from people so that I don’t become attached to them. I adopted that perception to avoid the notion of estranged loved ones.
But I am Human and I couldn’t keep my emotions veiled. I started trusting again, started involving. I saw happy days only for them to be torn apart by pangs of agony.
The biggest blow was delivered by “People”, whom I loved more than my life. They left me perhaps for greener pastures. “Fate” betrayed me further-building up a skyscraper of hope and then mulling it down by a 8.5 magnitude earth quake.
“Death” by far has given me the rudest of shocks. It has captured my conscience like no one else! After losing so many dear ones to its merciless wrath, that too those whom no one expected to, my senses are on constant vigilance.
I’m always fearful of when and whom it will strike. Every little move that my loved ones make, makes me shudder, throws me in a whirlpool of thoughts and every night I close my eyes praying that the next morning let me see them hale and hearty.
This fear has captivated my soul, its waiting for me to be taken to the gallows. Till then it keeps on bludgeoning. I too am waiting. Hopefully someday, I will be able to plan an escape from its cocoon and fly away into the clouds, cheery and happy to be “Fearless” again!