So it was my birthday, the last one in the 20’s. Suddenly I feel like a huge responsibility to shoulder in this coming year as I would be toeing into my 30’s same day, next year. There were noticeable changes in my attitude this year. Maybe age acts as a milestone. Maybe we are supposed to act in a certain manner after we cross such milestones. Or in this case about to reach a milestone. For me it has always been the eves that are more exciting- Christmas, New Year’s; for me this eve of turning 30 is more important than reaching the age in itself.
The large number of people wishing me on social media didn’t excite me anymore. I found myself content to get a few select calls and texts.
I found that the best way to celebrate was to be around the people who actually love and care for me and not get swayed by the grandeur of a lavish display of emotions for just a single day by the majority.
I am supposed to be more mature, responsible and level headed though all I can think about being is reckless, crazy and adventurous. I realized that I have lived my life upside down. Been an adult when I was supposed to be a child. So now I feel the need to live the carefree-ness of the childhood I never had.
I found that most of my life I have lived in isolation and in those times when I mustered enough courage to mingle, I have spent my days in wishful thinking of returns that never happened. So I realized how wonderful it would be to live in the freedom of one’s own company.
I unearthed that I have given so much into making my dreams come to fruition, that at the end of the day I have forgotten how to detach myself from the heartbreak of being tagged a mediocre. I realized that my priority list has always been choc-a-bloc with my aspirations and I have never enjoyed the gratification of doing nothing.
So I have decided to begin again, standing at 29. Rebuild myself from scratch, get a grip on my priorities, work hard but not wear myself out, and to be my own person. Like they say, it’s never too late for a start.